One Year Later

            It's hard to believe it's been a year since we lost you and Seth. That day still seems like a bad nightmare I just haven't woken up from. There are no words to describe the horror of that day... the following week... and every holiday or special occasion since then.

            Every holiday is a funeral all over again. An empty seat at the table. A reminder that you're gone. Even the happiest of days have a gray cloud over them when we think of you not being there. Certain songs, even ones that have nothing to do with you, send us into hysterics. People talk nonchalantly, having no idea that the common phrase they just used or the casual mention of some random event just sent us spiraling into a world of torture.

            But one thing I do know - we made it this far. We can make it till we join you in heaven.

"There is one thing that God says to all of His believers, regardless of their circumstances. TRUST ME."

            That being said, this will be my last "Love, Bubba" lesson. Feeling like I'm talking to you through my posts has been beyond therapeutic this last year. But it's time that I begin the process of moving on and living life more normally. I know that's what you want, and I know I can talk to you anytime I want, without having to write to you here. I'm not done learning the lessons you've left behind. But it's time that I go out and work harder to put them into action.
            But that doesn't mean I'm done posting on "Love, Bubba". I'll only post memories of you and updates on how we're dealing. And I want everyone that was fortunate enough to have known you to start sharing their stories too. They can be funny... sentimental... or maybe something they wish they'd told you. From now on... "Love, Bubba" is for everyone.
            I hope one day that a collection of these lessons, stories, and updates makes it into a book. That's my next "Love, Bubba" goal. Sharing your story with the world, and showing them that you can turn your biggest tragedy into something that helps others.
            Thank you to everyone who took the time to read my letters the last year. Your support means the world to me. I couldn't get through this without all of y'all. And the biggest thank you to Travis for being apart of our lives. We are better having known you, and blessed to have heard you say "love you bubba".

            We miss you so much.

            Love, Bubba

Lesson 44: I'm Good Enough

            Growing up, I dealt with a lot of self-worth issues. Things weren't easy when I was a kid - we struggled a lot with a lot of different things. I don't feel the need to get into the issues themselves, since you already know them, but I will say this - they were things that make it hard to believe you're worth it.

            Still, one of the greatest lessons you ever taught me was that I'm good enough. I'm good enough because I say so. I'm good enough because my family and friends say I am. I'm good enough because I have a God who says so.

“And are five sparrows not worth two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten before God. Indeed, every hair on your head is numbered. Fear not, you are worth more than many sparrows.”

Luke 12:6-7

            Thank you for being apart of the journey to believing I'm good enough.

            Love, Bubba

Lesson 43: Be Kind

       Being kind tends to be a difficult thing for people to do these days. More often, we hear of people who were rude, mean, and hateful than we hear of people being kind. But you and Seth were the exception.

       When you and Mom met, I doubt that you knew that you would soon be taking on the role of stepfather to an 8-year-old girl. Yet, you did. You took me in like I was the daughter you did not yet have (Mo wasn't born for another 5 years, if you recall), and you always treated me with kindness. I grew up knowing I was loved by a stepdad who had no obligation to love me or treat me like his own.

“Kind words are like honey – sweet to the soul and healthy to the body.”

Proverbs 16:24

       We had our ups and downs. We argued like any stepfather/stepdaughter duo. I got in trouble for being a brat, and you had to ground me. I challenged your rules and gave you attitude. Still, I always knew that you loved me, and you were ALWAYS kind.

       Love, Bubba