Hey Big Dude.
I've been thinking about this letter for a while now. Whether or not to write it... whether to leave it be or put it out there for the world. I've spent some time going back through all the Love, Bubba posts from 2015 and 2016 - some made me cringe (ahh, to be 22 again), and some were good reminders. You know I talk to you often - in random moments when the lights flicker or when I narrowly escape something that would have made for a very bad day. But I think we're long overdue for a talk.
It's been five years since you and Seth were taken from us. Five years since our worlds were flipped upside down. And five years for our entire lives to change drastically. Though I know that your passing wasn't in God's plan, I know y'all have done the best you can to make a better path with the damage left behind from your absence. I think you always knew that your life would be cut short. I think you always had a plan in place to protect us once you were gone, often in the form of life lessons or memories. And I 100% think that you have been guiding us since you went to heaven.
To give you an update on life since you've left - Logan is at A&M (WHOOP!) following in you and Seth's footsteps. Also, I'm pretty sure he could give y'all a run for your money in an arm wrestling match. Farran is a SENIOR (how in the world) and slaying in basketball. Sandy found love again. Nana and PawPaw continue to be the greatest grandparents we could ask for.
Morgan is following in your volleyball footsteps. She's about to be a FRESHMAN (good lord how is she that old?!) and she continues to play the game y'all love. Last I checked, she's also top ten percent in her class. And, as you can expect, an absolute smartass. She remains to be the greatest gift you ever gave me.
Mom is at a new job, excelling and making a difference. You know she's always had a servant's heart, and she gets to use it every day. She also continues to be the greatest mom of all time to me and Morgan. She does everything she can to make our dreams happen - from giving me the wedding of my dreams, to her constant love and support, to taking us to DisneyWorld, and everything in between.
As for me - I can personally say that moving home was the greatest decision I could have made post-accident. Its like all at once, my life is so much more full than it ever was before, but with a big gaping hole where you and Seth were. I met and married my soulmate. He’s pretty neat. We’ve all agreed y’all would have been best friends (cue the gaping hole.) He’s from here too.
We built a house and put roots down. We plan on staying and starting a family here - a little family that would have called you “Big Dude” instead of something boring, like Grandpa. It kills me that they’ll never know you, just like my husband never will.
I teach and coach at your alma mater. I tell my kids every year how you were the most proud Wildcat I ever met, and how you made me want to be proud of that too. They know your name. There’s a pencil jar with you and Seth’s faces on it, and whenever they need one, they’re free to take it, as long as they tell you thank you. I nearly cry every time I hear them say “thank you, boys!” These may seem like little things to others, but they make me feel close to you. I’d like to think they’re all things you would be happy for and proud of.
But I’d be lying if I said that everything has been easy. In fact, a LOT of it brings me right back to your fertilizer advice - "when the shit hits the fan, use it as fertilizer." Turns out, that's been hard advice to follow this year. Where 7/22/15 was the worst DAY on record, I feel like 2020 as a whole has been the worst YEAR on record. I'm really hoping that you're pulling some strings with the big man upstairs to turn that around before we hit 2021.
We miss y'all terribly. Life just hasn't been the same since you left. Quite frankly, this still sucks. We wish every day that this wasn’t our reality, but we make the best of it. We just wish you were here. See you again, someday.
Love, Bubba
