Lesson 29: There Isn't Always An Answer

       This post has been on my mind since Saturday, and yet somehow I'm still struggling with the words. Love, Bubba has been a source for me to vent since September, and I'm not sure I'd be able to keep my cool if I weren't able to. Still, the thing that is weighing heavily on my mind, demanding me to write about it before it eats me alive, is hard to put into words.
       The accident was hard on anyone who knew and loved you, Big Dude. Learning how to live since you've been gone has been a daily struggle. Just when things seem normal, there's something that reminds us of the gaping hole left in your absence. Birthdays, events, holidays... And this weekend was no different.
       I've made it a point to be very forthcoming with others these last few months. If I need to tell someone something, I do my best to tell them ASAP - "I love you", "I miss you", "you mean the world to me"... I don't want to have a single doubt in my mind that those I care about know how much they mean to me. However, this also means that when someone does me wrong - truly wrong - I find no problem removing their negative presence from my life until they can make a positive change.
      This weekend, I encountered a person who has become a negative presence in my life since you left. For their sake, I won't use their name and throw them under the bus, but suffice it to say that they have done nothing but brought grief into life recently. Someone I would formerly consider a confidant, a person to tell my every day happenings to, and one of my best friends, shut me out cold. Someone that I expected to help me get through losing you... was nowhere to be found.

       Rather than be confrontational and make a stink, I've simply been civil and tried to stay away from this person. But this weekend they tried to make a re-entrance into my life, and they ended up crashing through the wall like the Kool-Aid man.
       A yelling match ensued. Words were said... hurtful words. Words that made me wonder how I ever considered this person close to me. Words that were an insult to you, your memory, and everything I stand for.

"The tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do."

-James 3:5

       I'm supposed to make amends with this person and make my way to re-include them in my life, and if I don't, I risk losing one of the people that means the most to me. Still... my heart isn't in it. I can't imagine associating with someone who would attempt to hurt me by bringing up you negatively. I wish I could talk to you about it, because you always seemed to have the answer with this kind of stuff, especially with this person.
       But I guess that's the thing... there isn't always an answer. There isn't always a right or wrong. It doesn't always make sense. Sometimes it just hurts.
       Love, Bubba